A_______ and i moved to portland. we signed up to help in a production of a gothic style black and white vampire movie being filmed by an eccentric and underemployed high school art teacher. the high school slowly morphed into a castle as we filmed. giggling high school girls did not take the project seriously but then they turned into gargoyles.

we left down a rail-less crumbling stone staircase and walked to a warehouse (like the bread factory in ne portland) that was abandoned. its roof had collapsed in but a small office on the side was somewhat intact. we took a series of esoteric liquors out of smelly molded cabinets, sorted them, inventoried them, and put them back.

we walked out of the warehouse to a rolling green field. snow started to fall. everyone panicked. the snow piled up faster and faster and when it stopped i dug A___ out of a drift and saved her from the edge of hypothermia. for some reason she was clutching a frozen Nook.

finally, the snow melted and strange alarms started sounding. i got online and determined that the alarms signaled a catastrophic digital event but it was only going off in America. i checked in with several shadow security organizations and they confirmed that there was no alert in any other country.

it turned out that a giant antivirus corporation had unleashed a brutal virus upon the USA as part of a cute marketing campaign. people were pretty upset.